tiffany nicole

Hey! I realised that I never updated on me getting my ileostomy dates though!

I had my pre-op assessment on 31st May and my op date for ileostomy surgery is 14th June (so....this week)! This will be followed up biological drug treatment.

Mr Tozer is also gonna have a little look around as I have fistulas tracts that he isn't too sure where they go at the moment.

Sadly, I've been really bad with the abscess, fistulas draining and my back being awful, so I have been signed off work since end of April until (currently) 1st week of July. This is putting me under great financial strain, and really my mental health/loneliness.

I'm currently still on prednisolone - 15mg, I tried going down to 10mg last week but I was so ill. I'm also on metronidazle and ciprofloxacin and these seem to be helping a lot.

My Crohn's symptoms aren't actually "that bad" at the moment - it's the abscess, fistulas and lower back pain that are doing me in.

I'm really excited, but also extremely nervous about this surgery. My main anxiety is that it won't work, and I won't be any better off than I am now. I've never spent any more than a few hours in a hospital - let alone over night.

As I'll be having the surgery at St Mark's in Harrow, which is quite far from home, my family won't be able to visit and I'll be in for my Nan's birthday and Father's Day.

Because the hospital is so far, I've been appointed a more local stoma nurse who is coming to visit on Wednesday, so that's exciting!

I am extremely thankful to my family and friends, who have been nothing but supportive and reassuring. I don't even just mean people I "know" - I include all of my online friends, especially my fellow IBD and ostomates and all of the various spoonies! I'm really not sure what I would do without this community - the strength, courage, honesty and determination is magnificent.

I will update while I'm in hospital and recovery, I just really haven't felt like blogging much to be honest, but I need to get it all out too.

Peace & love xxx

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Heya! Hope all is well. This is allll about make-up from the Body Shop - there are studs and duds! I also have a Lip Balm which I got in The Vegan Kind subscription box a few months back. I'm gonna start with the base here I think, it makes most sense, right? The All-In-One Instablur universal primer is a mid-range primer - likened to Benefit's Porefessional in quality, it's almost half the price at £15. I've not used the Benefit one so can't confirm or deny (but they're not cruelty free or vegan so I'm not interested). This is a great mattifier, but a bit of a weird texture. I'm used to more liquid primers - like Barry M, but this is more of a grainy gel putty? It needs kind of "warming up" to get the best out of it, so I squeeze a bit on the back of my hand and use my index finger on the other hand to kind of warm it up, then I apply it around my nose and t-zone and occasionally under my eyes, depending on the need. It definitely adds staying power to my foundation. A lot of people do find the texture off putting, but I think it's a great product.I got this Fruu lip balm in my lifestyle subscription box from The Vegan Kind - my (instagram) friend Heather alwayssss goes on about how these are her favourite lip balms and I was so happy to get one in my box - no less, my favourite flavour...watermelon! Fruu are all natural ingredients and Peta approved cruelty-free and vegan. They have a few flavours, plus some colour tinted lip balms which I'm gonna try in future. These come in at £2.99 which is really good. Long lasting, smoothing and tasty!

Okay ladies* now let's put on foundation... sorry. A few people in our Beauty Beyond Cruelty Facebook group had recommended the Clay Matte Skin Clarifying Foundation - and I get why. I don't usually go for full coverage as my skin doesn't need it, and I can get away with lightweight foundations, but this is great for when I am playing with make-up or there's a night out (rare for me) - it's enriched with tea tree oil so suitable for skin prone to redness and breakouts, it is soooo breathable though, and at only £10, I think it's great. I accidentally ordered a shade too dark - which is kind of lucky as I really have wanted to try some shade lightening drops for a while, so I ordered this too. It's £11 and okay it is probably gonna last forever, because you only need one or two drops (unless you buy way too dark, or too light, as they have a darkening one too), but it's pricey. It works well and I only need two drops, it does make foundations more liquidy - so I find the combo of the Clay Matte foundation and the lightening drops perfect for me.Lash Hero Mascara in Black - it's a dud, a zero. Way off the mark and not worth the price (£11) at all. This is actually the first vegan mascara I'd bought at this time (previously using up my Revolution ones which sadly contain beeswax; if you're reading, please change this). The brush is great, and it makes my lashes look fucking banging BUT it transfers after a couple of hours and just makes me look like a panda. Don't bother.

Finally, once you've got your face beat, you want it to slay and stay! I've never used a setting spray before (just hairspray) so thought I'd try the Make-Up Setting Spray which is £8 and works fantastically! It has aloe in it so it doesn't dry out your skin, the mist is fine but plentiful and if I'm in a rush (standard), I give myself a quick blast with the hairdryer's cool setting.

So yeah, I'm looking for cheap mascara that comes in black and brown, that's vegan and cruelty-free, have you found one that's brilliant?

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Some little reviews for you today gang.

First is a quick one - my nails are fucked, mostly because of various vitamin deficiences and being on oral steroids for so long. So I grabbed this hand and nail cream from Superdrug - it's £1.49, very reasonable and usually in an offer of some sort. I forget to use it daily but my hands do feel better for it.

Now... to the tan!

It's summer and I'm pasty AF, up until 2 years ago I had NEVER fake tanned. I was anti "looking orange" and a bit scared of it to be honest.

I got sucked into a 2 for 1 on Skinny Tan with free mitt (!!!), and ordered 4 bottles of their mousse, they messed up so I got it super cheap, and I do like Skinny Tan, but it fades a bit patchy and I won't always be able to afford it. So where do I head for all my cruelty-free, vegan, budget beauty products? SUPERDRUG.

Not featured in these photos is the self tanning mousse in dark - which realistically should have been the same a Skinny Tan - because it's shit and I threw it out. It just didn't make any difference to my skin colour what-so-ever.

So, I was buying some make-up and saw they had new tanning products and I really wanted something that's quick and/or that I don't have to wash off - because I'm lazy. Say hello to wear off tan wipes in medium (they only come in medium). You get 25 wipes in a pack and they're just like wet wipes - glide them over your arms/leg/body/face and wait 4 hours for the colour to develop, the pack recommends repeating this to have a deeper colour. As usual, exfoliate beforehand! These are a really quick fix and I'm a fan. Also DO make sure to wash your hands after... I decided not to, and it wasn't smart.

Recently, my friend Stacey said she had gone to using tanning oil instead of mousse, I dunno what brand she said she used but I was intrigued - her glow is always gorgeous, so when I saw this Insta-Grad Tan Oil (rrp £4.99) I decided to give it a go. I think I got there and the wipes, and something else, in a 3 for 2 offer and I regret nothing.

You spray the oil directly on to your skin, and rub in with a tanning mitt. Allow it to develop for 30 minutes and then repeat the process. From then on, you just use it every other day, or every day if you want I guess, to keep it topped up. It's so easy (and quick!) to use and really affordable.

You can see in the photos below to difference after one application (the photos don't actually do the depths of the tan justice). I do find that my legs don't take as well to it, and I'm not sure why - I do probably need to exfoliate them more.

What are your go to budget friendly tanning products?

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It's been so long since I last wrote about where I'm at with my Crohn's, so if I miss anything, I'm sorry!

So back in January 2018, I met with Dr Stoner hoping to be told I'd start infliximab.

Nope.

He's decided my case is too complex for him - with my abscess and fistulas on top of the Crohn's, he spoke to a colleague and they decided a referral to St Mark's in Harrow is my best option - they're a specialist bowel hospital and I'm told to look up Prof Ailsa Hart who will be my lead consultant. I do so and oh my goodness, this woman is amazing, her CV and credentials are astounding, she's my new poo hero.

I'm very upset and deflated, but I'm told they'll be in contact after a week or so. Two weeks pass and I hear nothing so I chase my IBD nurse and my consultant's secretary - they assure me they'll chase St Mark's. Weeks go by and finally mid-March I get a letter through with an appointment date of 30th April.

I am so excited and so relieved to finally get my appointment - I have no idea who I'm meeting or what to expect.

30th April rolls around and I was gonna go on my own - what a silly! - but my bestie Jess said she'd come along last minute, she's a pro at hospitals as her daughter Piper-Rose has HLHS (Hypoplastic left heart syndrome) which is a really rare heart condition, which means she has had open heart surgery already and she's only three (Piper is my lil hero & I love her v much).

My stomach is playing up so much, for the first time in weeks, so I think the anxiety definitely affects my bowel movements and makes me need to go more frequently and with more urgency. We worry we're gonna be late, so I call the hospital to let them know - they're running like an hour behind we find out when we get there! I'm so tired, and so hungry but don't wanna move in case I get called. They check my height and weight - 5ft 2in and 7st 8lbs. Eventually when I do get called I'm met by Prof Ailsa Hart (my consultant) and Phil Tozer (my new surgeon). To be honest, most of it's a blur - Phil asks if he can examine (pop a finger in me bum) me briefly as my scans didn't quite show where one of my fistulas goes. I explain that I'm very sore today, but we could try and both he and Hart told me I could stop at any time just to say so if it got too much. Prof Hart was stroking my hair as I cried a little bit but eventually it did get too painful, so we stopped.

I was so full of emotion and joy to be told I need surgery ASAP to have an ileostomy and that I will also have biological drug therapy too. I'm reassured their psychiatrist is brilliant, the stoma nurses are always on hand and that I will be fully supported. They do offer me to have the operation closer to home but I felt it best to stay with St Mark's. I won't be there too long - hopefully - and I know they will give me the care and attention I need. I ask when it's likely to be...and they said it could be any day now.

WAIT WAIT WAIIIIIT

My best friends - and their new baby - are coming back from Austrailia on 18th May, and my other two best friends are getting married on 26th May. There is NO WAY I am missing either of these things, I beg to put it off and they tell me they'll see what they can do. I go to have a blood test (lol yay anxiety, thanks Jess for holding my hand), and Tozer comes to find me and asks if early June will be okay and of course, it is.

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